Hi. I’m Winnie. Chief Barketing Officer at Ice Cold Pitcher Services, LLC. Head of Security. Director of Morale. Full-Time Household Supervisor.

I joined the company less than a year ago, but I’ve already made a significant impact. I don’t enter rooms — I make entrances. I flash my bright white smile (you’re welcome), assume all guests are here to see me, and firmly believe every meeting should begin with proper petting protocol.

My professional specialties include:

• Neighborhood “sniff enrichment” research

• Elite sock acquisition

• Strategic dryer sheet relocation (stealth mode activated)

• Sampling dryer lint, toilet paper, and full TP rolls when opportunity strikes

• Sleeping in positions that keep all humans slightly on edge

I do own two beautiful crates. They are decorative. I operate under a strict crate-free lifestyle policy and instead prefer premium sleeping arrangements — ideally between Jenny (Mom) and Chris (Dad), under Mom’s feet (preferably unnoticed), or directly behind her chair to ensure maximum tail-awareness during office hours.

I’m a highly selective eater. Some might say picky. Others might say I occasionally appear to be on a hunger strike. I love treats — until I don’t. Then I love them again. Excellence requires standards.

I answer to Winnie, but also to “Bitey McGhee” (a phase, allegedly). I am fully imprinted on Mom, but I love my entire family deeply and supervise them accordingly.

I take my responsibilities seriously: maintaining energy, supervising snack distribution, encouraging outdoor breaks, and ensuring no one in this organization takes themselves too seriously.

Every great company needs strong leadership.

You’re welcome.